Dear Universe and everyone inside

Dear universe and everyone inside, you are awesome. I love you. I love all the ♥ saturating my life, it's like decades of birthday wishes come true. Thank you for providing a stimulating and challenging environment for my brain; you are miracle grow for my neurons. Dear universe, may Maslow's triangle expand to a four-dimensional simplex, so that can I conquer its nuances. Dear universe, for my birthday I'd like the power to better understand myself and the patterns of the world; so that I may be_the_change; so that I may inspire those near to me; so that the virus of inspiration may spread ubiquitously, efficiently, and mercilessly. Dear universe, may enthusiasm dominate. Thanks. Dear universe, grant me the power to recondition perpetrators of non-awesomeness in single effortless moves of sociomental tai chi. Grant humans the will to tell each other they are awesome: some of them do not know. Grant this brain enough efficiency before it ceases to build creative tools---whether physical, digital,chemical, linguistic, social, or mental---so that we may realize our ideas, intentions, and imagination with effortless grace; no matter how oppressed we are by wealth, health, or time. Dear universe, grant humans the will to open the valves of their metaphoric hearts to the torrents of love seeding all around; may compassion and connectivity command the cosmos like an amplified cyclone of feedback possessed with the passion of a thousand Jimi Hendrices. Thanks ~Cortexelus James

Boring jobs suck

Boring jobs suck. In an awesome world, jobs and art are one. The window washer writes a book as he wipes. The coffee shop barista think-hacks solutions to computer science problems as she serves. The taxi cabby sings and records an album as he drives delighted passengers from place to place, who on occasion join in with rhymes and beats tapped to leather and metal. No one isn't an artist, but some have more efficient systems to devour life and expulse expression. As we go awesomeward, efficiency will rise for everyone. More work will be done by machines (much of it is) though irreplaceable is human connection. Therefore the trend will be toward jobs which do not mutate us into depersonalized zombies but encourage us to cultivate inspiration in tandem.

we was askin aboutcha today, what have you been up to?

A lot of stuff has been going on, life/band/hack stuff:
* ((::ofthesun::)) played a bunch of shows (we played on the common spreading good vibes of strength and fearlessness to Bostonians).
* We've been making a tribute album to Corey, and recording tons of our friends on it.
* Tek-Obsessed Records released a 42-song compilation CD of awesome IDM (to which I contributed as Cortexelus).
* I'm going to make a bot that will make generative smashups of all 42 songs (dadabots!) and stream them over SHOUTcast.
* I went to a windows mobile phone hackathon and if I publish an app in the next few weeks they'll give me a free windows phone. Also they'll give me $100 for every app I make in the next two months (I'm thinking of simple app ideas; maybe music-related).
* I presented ChaosNotes at Microsoft and got a bunch of fans who absolutely loved the idea. I'm sprucing/securing it up and turning it into a public thoughtstreaming service. With a mobile app too.
* I networked with one of the EchoNest guys (who wrote a mashup algorithm upon which I improved), who may be willing to present a workshop at a Berklee hackathon.
* Paypal has extra space in their office and they're giving it to startups -- they offered me space for free. I might hang out there once or twice a week (I'm usually just hacking at International Village or Starbucks), and spruce it up. They have a stocked kitchen. Viva la Cortexelation Labs!
* I'll be making Max/MSP patches for the Orbitar. My friend Kate is presenting it at a Ted talk in November.
* I've been hacking on Raspberry Pi's down at the Artisan's Asylum. If you had LINUX running on an arduino, you would have a raspberry PI.
* As some of you know, I live in Spacefort: a tiny, inexpensive living space, just big enough for a mattress, bookshelf, sound system, strobe light, three sets of blinking multicolored christmas lights, and a few people (fits 6 max, if you get cuddly). There's so many cool things you could do with electronics in a Spacefort, and this is where the Raspberry PI comes in. I want to develop Spaceforts all around the city. And anywhere else I move. They're great for many reasons.
1) It's a SPACEFORT, a center of imagination.
2) What are you using that closet for? Your skis? PSH.
3) Rent it out and make some $$$.
4) Or turn it into an awesome community space for chilling / meditating.
5) You're an artist/hacker/creative person, you want somewhere to live inexpensively so you can work on your projects without having your inspiration deprived, restrained, and obstructed by a full-time job, and you're okay with minimalism. Where are there opportunities like that? There aren't enough!

Love. Hack. Music.

I have a really awesome lifestyle.

Here's my bio for this music/art hack project I'm doing in NY for a non-disclosed motor company.

CJ Carr is a creativity hacker, oneironaut, traceur, throatboxer, cs grad, and information age existentialist who wins hackathons for a living. He perceives every moment of life as art. CJ's mad science scheme is to shrink the time/effort between ideas and creative output to nil (muahaha) because lack of inspiration is a public health issue. There's no reason everyone can't be inspired all the time in flow state of peak experience -- it's just a matter of efficiency.

Love. Hack. Music. Love. Hack. Music. Love. Hack. Music.
How many nights a week do I actually spend at Spacefort? Not that many actually. But almost zero in Medford. I'm a hacker nomad.

I live like a Philip Glass piece: minimally, and to the fullest expression of life.

I have lots of strengths. What are my weak points, what needs work?
# I take on insane amounts of projects, and I'm trying to learn the art of time management and communication.
# I could learn to focus better. I am wondering if I would benefit from small doses of modafinil or adderall or other things usually prescribed for ADD. But perhaps focus meditation.

Insatiable Curiosity

I want the demands of insatiable curiosity to motivate me to be ever sharper and more engaged -- and how can I leverage relaxation toward that goal? Every moment there is endless possibility. Especially in the company of friends. How do we engage that fully and effectively? Insatiable curiosity. Meditation is the training of conscious relaxation, and hones the skill of awareness of energy and reaction to energy. But how do I react to a void? Without option paralysis? With void there is no thing, which is also to say there are too many things. Reaction is to be balanced with assertiveness. Throwing your paint on the blank canvas of this moment. Every moment the canvas shifts, and opportunities open or close, become natural or forced. What to paint? How can I flow in a way where I don't have to ask that question? Depending on how you frame this problem, it is either overwhelming, or totally simple. What sort of energy can I harness to motivate myself to make best use of opportunity? Insatiable curiosity is my answer and recent hypothesis. With curiosity, you are always in a state of reaction. Open yourself to the awe and sublimity of great questions. May the great "wtf?!?" DRIVE you and never leave you. Keep overwhelming astonishment on a leash. Then allow yourself to relax and effectively manage your astonishment with flow. Yeah.

I think this is an effective use of energy. In this way, you never have to try to fill the void, and get lost in the tangle of option paralysis of what to paint. You are rather essentially constantly in a state of reaction to insatiable curiosity. Be on the edge of overwhelmed, but relax just shy of it. Does this make sense? Be aware of the tension, and use it when you need to. The truth is that our whole lives have always been a reaction to curiosity. Change blindness plus desensitization to constants may have led us astray from our awareness. But we always engaging the great mystery of life, even when we are momentarily experimenting with non-astonishment. Recognize the constant tension, and leverage it. ~ From CJ

"you have so much energy"

I think it less about 'having energy' and more about 'responding to energy'. Energy is in the environment. You are just being aware of it and efficiently reacting to it or having it pass through you.

I think my energy is a result of minimizing cognitive dissonance as well as I can. It is akin to the concept of chi. It is the efficiency of intention. Minimal mental effort; maximum effect.

It is hard to efficiently respond to energy when one carries around so much cognitive dissonance. If you were fully centered and aligned with your feelings, you could act with the full intention of them.

The cognitive dissonance is often the unresolved agreement about what one's intention/feelings really are. Feelings are simply neutral signals. The disagreement comes from your interpretation of them, how you think you should react to them, and how that should set the course of your behavior (intention).

High chi is like having the society of your mind reach a unanimous vote. Then as energy passes through, the mind can fully be aware of it and respond to it without inner disagreement.

Introspection is key. I spend a good chunk of time thinking of future hypothetical situations I may encounter, and making up my mind ahead of time, with respect to my values.

There are many parts of the mind that occupy polar opposite beliefs and assumptions, but I can still get a consensus among them with respect to my intention.

For example, making up my mind about monogamy vs polyamory. They are mutually exclusive. So I must choose one. Which is better? I do not know. I can choose one now, and try the other later. Therefore, I will experiment with both. (both sides of me can agree that experimentation is a good idea). Whichever I choose, in order to have the best time, I need to fully commit to the idea. Therefore, I need to avoid any lingering indecisiveness, and be fully decisive about my choice. (both agree on this too, and the one which is not chosen agrees to subside for the duration of the experiment).

I have experimented with monogamy for 6 years. I have experimented with polyamory for a few months. Therefore I will continue to experiment with polyamory. I know I will experience both upsides and downsides. I should not let the downsides deter me into regressing to monogamy; rather I will push through them and learn the lessons they have to teach.

This reasoning makes all too much sense, and my whole society of mind votes unanimously. The monogamist agrees to subside, and the benefits of poly with respect to my values get all shiny in the light. After a few years, I will reflect on my experiences, and update my reasoning and intention

"A name by any another name still names as name."

ok so i have to ask- i'm dying of curiousity
is cortexelus your real first name?

Before I can answer your question with anything other than 'mu' I must ask: what do you mean by 'real'?

Is there anything intrinsically real about a name? Other than an agreement about an association between a word and an individual?

Do not names fall into the category of socially-negotiated? The same kind of collective hallucinations as one's nationality and gender role? The same as the timing of the celebration of one's coming-into-existence as it regularly falls on cycles of earth years? ( The same as a sexagesimal system of measuring time?

"A name by any another name still names as sweet."

I assume by 'real name' you mean 'name as documented by the US government'
-- which unintentionally carries with it the connotations that political organizations have the authority to define 'reality', whereas its citizens are discouraged to. On the contrary, it is a firmly held belief of mine that we as eccentric individuals ought to reclaim our responsibility as meaning-creators. I hereby declare my sovereignty.

Nay to contradict what I have just written, I shall nevertheless cite Massachusetts common law on names (Merolevitz, 1946) as is stated in the following petition. (Take notice the names of who were present at this case.)

Or, if I assume by 'real name' you mean 'name as given by my parents', that fact is: they have called me CJ and only CJ since I was born. This may further perpetuate the ambiguity of my answer, but consider the perspective that it does not. Rather, consider this acronymical freedom as a life-long gift embedded within the name.

Chaos 10

"Fuck time" <- I grok that. I had that epiphany. And I've become really good at being in the moment, flowing and going. But now I'm inspired to actually experiment with some self-imposed order and schedule. Do this for X minutes, do that for Y hours, even if I don't feel like it. Discipline. Sharpen my focus and brain skills, so that I can flow in the present even harder.

Chaos 9

Dripping down my mind
Theatrical blind alley
No grand finale
Existential tension
Apprehension that lacks climax
Zeptonaut-wrought anti-catharsis tax
Live life like everything's a circus
The fool's journey for true purpose
The idea is always greater than us
Philosophical knots
Untied by a reminder, by Alan Watts
"You were supposed to dance and sing the whole way"
That's how to play
Absurdity untold
Archetypes unfold with the Tarot
Pulling off storyline stunts like on a Haro
Terence's confrontation with the meaningless
Cohesive with his genius
Huperzine, Noopept, Vinpocetine
Think I'll try nootropic experimentin'
Dadabots will be empired
Written up in Wired
I'm feeling tired.
Read myself to sleep

Chaos 8

Daily Digest. Journal fest. Need to get some rest.
Thinking about exploring out west.
California, Colorado: find myself like Waldo
Fight on my knees like Voldo
Happy to eat apples
Tackling a discipline of bot hacks and lookbacks to my past and the thoughts I caught last.
Climbin roofs with the threat of harming
The public finds it alarming
"Is he always this charming?"
Inspire me to rhyme cuz we're feedback farming
Blastbeat those breaks so I can be feet-and-arming
My grooves are spastic
My moves elastic
Night and morning rhyme
Warning: my design
Boiling eggs, begging my body to be healthy
Stealthy and nimble as a slinky
Wearing a thimble on my pinky
like I'm Ron Thal'ing
Simply enthralling
Release a single
Guitar and tablas mingle
Drum triggers and timbre clusters jingle
Shred till I've bled
Cuz I'm feeling undead
now I seek to eat the brains of geeks
so inspiration pumps through my veins for weeks
deadites, doctor satan, ghouls, and freaks
this lunatic waxes and wanes in streaks
I got less weight on the moon
Can't wait to go, soon
cuz I got too much girth for this Earth
Friends thinkin' I'm about to give birth
No self-worth
No lack of heart attack,
I'm feeling lazy
My brains getting hazy
I'm cognitively sharp
If it were in front of me, logically, I'd learn the harp
Let's all fall in a hudddle
Let's crawl into this cuddle puddle
I love you all whether overt or subtle

Letter to Jacob Cole

Jacob! I have been really busy organizing all these events and creating algorithmic music. I haven't been following any of the awesome stuff you've been up to.

BUT I feel compelled to write you and let you know that you continue to be an inspiration for me. Your words continue to nucleate around the direction from which my inspiration flows and give it a philosophical narrative in the form of handful of really good sound bites.

That's it.

Well not quite because I have lot more which is articulating through me.

I absolutely want to help people reach a state of being perpetually inspired. I agree with you in that I can see how much of this problem is simply a matter of efficiency.

I also want to help turn everyone into an artist.

I have many smart, inspiring, and creative friends who are stuck in full time jobs which exhaust them by the end of the day. Were they given total freedom --- or minions --- I know they would create beautiful things.

What is needed is a system for efficiently turning intention into reality that easily integrates with anyone's mind and life.

What I want is AI minions which will go out and do my ideas as soon as I think of them. Perhaps we can think of this problem with respect to computational creativity. We start at fully-automated creativity, and take backwards steps away from it, leaving room for the intention of the human artist.

We have to think about people who are good at one thing, but need full multimedia skills to create something worthwhile. Leave the craftsmanship to the minions -- which may be AI or may be other artists in the same boat -- and develop your one thing.

Conceptual art is perhaps one of the most powerful forms of art.
It's about the psychological effect.
It's about blowing minds, others' and your own.
It's about creating change in the world and in your self.
I want to empower idea people who have no time to develop skills otherwise.

Imagine a time when hacks (software, art, or otherwise) become so absolutely effortless. Imagine throwing a hackathon with 5 friends and you're the only programmer-artist. In a single night, imagine being able to actually do all the ideas your friends came up with that week.

The programmer-artist is the minion, and the AIs are his or her metaminions. The whole process is efficient and nearly effortless.

Hacker Santa is the world's minion, and the AIs are his machine elves.

Imagine throwing a hackathon with 15 kids and you're the only programmer-artist. In a single class period, you start all these processes, by the whim of the imagination of these kids, and the machine elves finish manufacturing their creations by tomorrow's class.


Rational skeptic understanding of psychic intuition

Tika, I think people with strong psychological intuition (rational skeptic's term for "psychic" which avoids parapsychological connotations) have highly developed mirror neurons (responsible for empathy and mimicry). My theory is that they tend to simulate the minds of those around them, perhaps persistently, given the information about others they are exposed to : whether it is as overt as personal history, as subtle as microexpressions, or as experimental as interactions. They pay attention to what others pay attention to. Given this simulation, coupled with a good, intuitive understanding of psychology, they are able to make behavioral and cognitive predictions, and read between the lines. (Note: one need not an intellectual understanding of psychology to be intuitive in this way, it is simply a matter of pattern recognition, learned from experience, from an intimate understanding of one's own mind and others. (Also, as one heals from traumatic experience, one tends to develop this understanding more deeply))

Example: a microexpression, as simple as me turning to look at the fire, given its timing and social context, may reveal that I have suddenly become pensive. You see this, and your synapses leap to your language center, formulating words before they can be filtered. "What are you creating? Where are you?" My cognitive dissonance, responsible for my pensiveness, is suddenly hit with full confrontation. A birds' eye metacognitive perspective generated by these questions reveals to me what I am creating (a new understanding), and where I am (a point along the way of transformation from an old understanding), which assists in the resolution of dissonance. I get up and run to the bathroom, look at myself in the mirror for 2 minutes, and feel all sorts of butterflies.

The way I think of it: intuition is simply pattern awareness. It may or may not accompany a rational, linguistic, symbolic understanding (which I call intellect), and tends to refer to pattern awareness not yet cognitively filtered. I think intuition informs intellect.

As I understand it, the mirror neuron phenomenon is when you witness another performing a behavior or feeling an emotion, and the same neurons fire in your brain as if you yourself had performed that behavior or felt that emotion.

Does intuition inform mirror neurons, or do mirror neurons inform intuition? Are both these things the same process? If intuition is simply pattern awareness, I think ther eis first basic pattern awareness, informing an internal simulation, triggering the mirror neuron reaction.

But intuition can inform intellect all the same, without the need for mirroring.

WOAH. Okay. So my theory is: the brain has two methods of simulation: which I shall call subjective and objective. Subject simulation is the mirror neuron effect; it is when the brain leverages its internal self-map to think about external patterns. Object simulation is the use of intellect to build a symbolic map to think about external patterns.

I think both are happening all the time. Sometimes we think of things intellectually as objects, sometimes we mirror them as subjects, sometimes we use both, sometimes each informs the other.

Why does the brain have a mirror reaction? It is clearly an important survival tactic to be able to simulate the mind of human or animal. But why mirror, why not just have intellectual understanding? Well. . minds are extremely complex machines, and a full objective intellectual understanding of them is beyond our grasp. However, we have our own minds sitting inside of our skull right here! We can test on them! The mirror reaction is a science experiment! Without an intellectual symbolic map of human psychology, we can test ourselves "what would I be feeling in that situation?"

Low-frequency vibrations drive communication

How low? Months, weeks, days.

But always on my mind. I'm always incubating.

I am an introvert.

I have a huge world of imagination which I explore and inhabit.

I have many open gestalts which I need to close, in order for my canvasbrain to become iridescently translucently clean, in order to vacuumsuck new lifeconcepts.

This is correlated, according to my interpretation of Freud's interpretation of psychological development, of being anal expulsive (as opposed to anal retentive)

I will share my introverted world here, in freewrite land, and you are welcome to play. Play! Play at low frequencies or high. I'm always listening and incubating.

You can always listen too, when you switch on your 'like'

Zack HeatherBough: no

There's a good metaphor. When you 'like' something you are paying attention to it. It enters your dream. A supporting character.

Zack HeatherBough: you're not here.

Contrarianism is beautiful.

A simple "no", expressed in two letters no sense, turns "on". What does it turn on? The antithesis of its own antithesis. Agreement is always happening. But disagreement is rarer. Rarer things cause more salience. Neither the connotations of agreement nor disagreement, with regards to one's belief, is as interesting as their psychological impact.

Tony Deva: aliens

Why is this that significant? You are creating a mental concept in the first place. Your brain asks "What is being disagreed with?" and gets itself together, quickly becoming aware of a transient reality tunnel, and making a category for it, storing it in long term memory for future encounters. How beautiful.

Ideas are aliens.

When one becomes a computer scientist, one is set on the path of realizing the mystical nature of life and mind from the perspective of information and pattern.

Adam Blake: Bass

One comes to understand the patterns of intelligence. How beautiful it is, that a human alive today, and come to learn these patterns! How traditionally god-like.

Tony Deva: aliens!!!!!!!!!

Aliens are modern anthropomorphications of the unknown.

See also: gods, mythological figures, fictional ideals, advice animals.

The # is the most awesome of all emoticons

Why do we personify the unknown?

The brain is good at re-using its pattern-matching systems. Redundancy is efficient, but one must aware and not misled by same neural firings shared between two disparate stimulus.

For example, when one encounters a gross pile of mayonaise, one's insula triggers the disgust reaction.
The same reaction occurs when one hears about moral disgust.

Likewise, the brain reuses personness.

Tony Deva:

Persons are one of the most complex things the brain models. More complex than objects. More complex than concepts. A person is another brain. The brain must be able model other brains, and do so without exploding.

There are many ways it goes wrong. Knots. If I want what you wantl; and you want what I want; what is there to want? Read RD Laing's Knots.
Tony Deva: Cj = modern anthropomorphications of the unknown

I enjoy identifying myself as many arbitrary things, one of them as being an idea. We established ideas are aliens. Why? Aliens are alternate forms of life. And ideas share the characteristics of life forms.

Tony Deva: Your mind is like a mouse on a wheel today.

Understanding the patterns of intelligence, emergence, and complexity, on the discrete level, is quite beautiful.

Intelligence can exist in many mediums.

Tom Fahey love me some low end

If a medium is capable of universal computability, intelligence is capable of inhabiting it.

Machines. DNA. Biology. Atoms. Conway's game of life.

It is a simulation I made of Conway's game of life, set to one of my favorite songs.

Such simple patterns reveal the mechanics of evolution.

A beautiful unsolved problem in Conway's game of life, which I propose now: "What are the simplest starting conditions capable of inevitably growing a Turning Machine (or similar system of universal computability)" This question may be incomplete, because "what would it compute?"

Information age existentialism. Math mingles meaning.

From here on, "life" shall refer ambiguously to both "Conway's game of life" and life. More specifically, the word shall refer to the cognitive examplar of the category both share.

The more double entendre the better.

I love sarcasm.

It is a gift only receivable from friends.


Can I be sarcastic with myself? All the time.

Humillity in the mind of the self-actualized.

The # embodies this.

The potential energy of a closed mouth.

The synaptic connections between one mouth and another.

My neurons don't touch either.

James Kent We may interact and perform behaviors, but the idea that we are communicating anything is an illusion.

I must take pause to pay respects to Mr. James Kent, rationalist ahead of his time in a field deprived of good models of the brain, author of the awesome book Psychedelic Information Theory, which he offers to free online, because he gets it.

James Kent Aw shucks, just observin' stuff.

My friend David Zingher, 17 and an amazing philosophical mind, has joined me at my table, quite serendipitously.

James: To paraphrase my friend Zack HeatherBough on watching his little cousins play: They will be in separate imagination worlds, playing separate games, and they will not know this. They will play off each other, and respond to each other, as if they playing along in the same game; as if they were communicating. They may even be in a state of flow with each other. But inevitably when their games clash, when they realize the other isn't playing by the same rules, they get angry.

We communicate in a language which is not strictly typed.

When I call your subprocess, and you return me a variable, I cannot know if it is an object of the type I am expecting. If my sanitation and typechecking is not aware enough to throw an exception, I will continue processing having made a faulty assumption. If I am lucky, it will cause something to break immediately, and I will become aware of the fault. Worse, it may pass through my process, and break something else further along. Worse, some other programmer will encounter it. He or she may chase this bug around for a great while, before connecting it back to its source.

An allegory for Karma.

To chase the bug in your own code is to wander Samsara.

Unaware of its source: an error in communication many subprocesses down the stack.

It is enlightening to shift your identity to a place where your struggles make sense, so that your narrative-creating brain does not strangle your cognitive ability with neocortex-suppressing stress.

Meditation in a nut shell.

"Everyone is in their own reality tunnel, telling their own stories. The way to win the story game is to have the most meta story. Then you can create reality. " Jacob Cole

My hacker friend, MIT genius living by the principles of tai chi, and endless source of inspiration Jacob Cole, has many great quotes, which I will share here.

Jacob Cole "by understanding and applying tai chi philosophy you can comprehend the world as a collection of tension systems, access an inexhaustible wellspring of ideas, and even determine where happiness/motivation itself comes from"

Jacob Cole "The goal of ethics should not be to answer hard and perhaps contradictory moral questions, but to figure out how to avoid having to ask those questions in the first place." #ethics

Why is Jacob a fantastic human being? It is his goal in life to solve the problem of lack-of-inspiration. Wonderful dream, certainly. What makes him brilliant is that he's doing this from the point of view of an engineer.

Jacob Cole "Any moment not spent inspired is a moment that can be made more efficient."

"In the fully organized mind, laziness disappears"

"When you sit you eventually become motivated"

Intrinsic motivation vs Extrinsic motivation

Jacob Cole "Allow people to be led by their own inspiration, rather than incentive. Intrinsically motivated, they take on hard problems willingly. "

Jacob Cole "The goal is to open the gates of inspiration and let it flow through the arteries of information technology"

Jacob wants to build a database of human intention.

These are are my goals too. It's great to team up with another hacker.

I'm able to share these quotes because I keep copious notes about what inspires me.

The pen and pocket journal is a simple hack, and one of man's most elegant feats of engineering ingenuity.


I declare the concept into existence, and I declare myself as such.

One who cleverly devises DIY systems of gifting, affordable enough for the giver. #gifteconomyentrepreneur

For example, many people I meet do not write down what inspires them, yet they would benefit so well from it. ". . . Yeah I know, I should get a journal . . ." they tell me. PSH! that > /dev/null . . . here is a journal for you right now. It has already been made beautiful with the artwork of my friends. Here are a few different color pens. I carry these gifts around with me all the time.

As a general rule, all commonly used idioms, cliches, and interjections should be replaced by one's own neologisms. It is an easy way to infuse extra creative meaning into your thoughts. It feels weird because it's so powerful.

FUCK THAT has become THAT>/dev/null
Which is a computer science reference, and a reference to one of my favorite electronic artists dev/null who by serindipitous coincidence lives here in Boston and is a fellow music hacker.
/dev/null is of interesting symbolism to an information age existentialist.

/dev/null is a special file on UNIX systems that discards all data written to it.

How nihilistic! It is a black hole for information.

If the conservation of information is as true an axiom in physics as the conservation of energy, then /dev/null shares a common problem with black holes:

What happens to information that gets deleted? What happens to the information contained in the matter which gets sucked into a black hole?

Ryan Cassidy:

If it is true that deleted information must escape as entropy, perhaps some of the heat coming out of my laptop is deleted information spreading itself out amongst the quantum states of gas particles in the air.

I can picture it now. Could tech support in a sufficiently advanced civilization be able to recover lost data by analyzing the quantum state of the particles in the air surrounding?

Ryan Cassidy: It's pretty, but I doubt it

If doubtful, it is absolutely worth disproving.

Ryan Cassidy: Proof is a silly word when speaking of quantum mechanics.

Ryan Cassidy: And the burden of proof lies with the one making the claim

XD. Given our current model of quantum mechanics, it would be absolutely worth determining the boundary conditions in which such a thing would be feasible.

I think the burden of this proof lies with one who is apt enough to sufficiently solve it. For the good of science.

The very task of attempting to get to bottom of it may reveal beautiful things about the nature of information.

Everything I have written here has been packed full of so much meaning, I am very satisfied with myself.

In the context of communication, in all forms, I think it is a common slip of judgement for the brain to mistake low frequency vibration for loss, forgetfulness, disinterest, doorclose, or breakdown.

Comfortably feel the subsubsubsubbass, whose oscillations take months, weeks; whose wavelength extends to galaxies and back.

Know that galaxy; stand with its reflection, and resonate.

Hook up the cortical column responsible for its pattern recognition with the rest of your default network. Deco and enlighten your subsubsubsubconscious with multicolor LEDs, and become fully aware of our connection, present always, as I am.

Then if you're up for the challenge, listen for vibrations on the magnitude of years, millenia, epochs.

Listen for the standing wave between the present and the beginning of time. It hums at 1/(13,700,000,000 years * 2) hz --- somewhere flat of 69 octaves below F5. Can the mind do it, or is this playful meaning creation? Either way a sense of wonder.

Adam Canvas: I'm interested in your strategies of cutting through small talk

easy good questions are like
What are your passions?
What inspires you?
And right away you understand a good deal about a person by how the react to the very fact that you asked that question
they react*
By asking it a lot, you get a sense of different flavors.
And common flavors tend to react commonly, so you continue to learn how to be more engaging
with each particular flavor
And you gradually learn a set of skills for being engaging with anyone
Example. Some people really like to lean things toward the tendency to create absurd imaginary hypothetical situations.
Excellent skill, you just keep the absurdity going.
All my friends from high school are like that.
Pretty much.
Some people would prefer to get right into profound questions, or exchange bits of beautiful knowledge
Some people are sarcastic, and prefer to play cognitive games with you, and like to subtly gibe you and see if you are paying attention.
Ann is the master at that.
All of these things train positive growth in some area of cognition!
Sharpness/wit/short term memory
Totally synergistic.
And you will become awesome friends right away with someone on those levles

The Sarcasm/subtle-gibe flavor is polite, considerate, sharpening, and sweetly jeering. It is the ultimate form of its kind. Lesser forms of this include sibling rivalries and brodiculing. They all strive to be the polite subtle gibe.
Now say you find yourself in a conversation which is not synergistic. The other person just wants to talk about themselves, and you don't care. If you are playing by the rules of game theory, and the other is not, you are free to play with the situation for your own amusement.
You will effectively communicate your slight discontent, while being yourself highly engaged. It will be good pain. It will bring both of you onto the same level again.
When you are discontent, and you disengage, the other person has to continually approach this decision: "Oh he's not as engaged, should I keep talking about what I'm talking about? Or go into an awkward pause? I'll keep talking"
At this point you are essentially free to go into Socrates mode.
In Plato's dialogues, Socrates is constantly meeting people who just talk about themselves. Socrates is most polite, and he continually asks them questions until he finds their insecurities. He then highlights them, and provides rational deductions for their antithesis.
At no time does he ever reveal anything less than respect for the person he talks to, he simply makes appeals to logic which threaten the belief system, world view, self image, or intentions of the person.
Which is important. People need to be aware of these things and confronted about them.
For some it is tough love.
But it is compassionate.
He simply asks hard questions.
It is a good way to politely deal with impolite or otherwise annoying conversationalists.
Another strategy is to go into wit/sarcasm mode. Engage yourself by finding ways to gibe the other.
Sometimes it is the only way to stand those situations.
It does no good to be inauthentic.
But without a decent strategy, you retreat into introversion.
And only be partially engaged.
You'll try to find a way out of the conversation.
From then on you have become infophobic to this person.
Which does no good.
Rarely are there good reasons to be infophobic. There is always good reason to be aware.
Infophobia is only necessary on short time scales. For example, when responsibly handling your information processing system.
(infophobia = deliberate ignorance)
(actually it is often involuntary, but you can override it)
For example, my working memory can only process A B C at a time, so I must deliberately ignore X Y Z if I am to process anything at all
Or, when others are paying attention to what you're paying attention to, and you want to ninja them
But actually that's a good example of awareness. You're not really ignoring your foes, you're just making it seem like you are.
It does no good to be inauthentic, because then others are not being conditioned properly
Brains work well when they have accurate information to work with
You should trust brains with honesty
You can only be honest to the limits by which you are self-aware. Authenticity is a greater ideal than honesty. It is honesty on all levels of being and expression. It is aligning yourself so that you are honest even in ways in which you are not aware.
Other things that are good to ask people you just met are. . .open ended questions that reveal something very personal and profound.
It is all in the structure of the question. It must be a short cut from something which is universally relatable, to something of which is perhaps more personal than one is typically aware.
"What is one thing you know to be true that others around you do not believe"
thats a good one
simple, reveals something that completely identifies that person as unique. may reveal something suppressed, may reveal something quirky, may reveal something totally out there and passionate
in all three cases, you can reinforce this uniqueness by asking more questions about it
"Given infinite resources and infinite time, what would you make"
"Could you stand being in isolation. If not,why? If so, what would you do with your time?"
Even if they can't come up with a decent answer, it's a stall tactic, and you can formulate all sorts of witty things in the mean time

Because I had social anxiety most of my life, I learned these skills late. A huge portion of it I learned just this year. And because of my awareness and sensitivity to cognitive dissonance, and apparent geometric growth of skills, I think if continuing on as I am doing I may gradually approach becoming a meeting-people savant.

Though less of a grammar savant

When you playfully gibe, you must be aware of hitting tender spots of insecurity, causing stress in those with anxiety, causing depersonalization in those with dissociation, causing misperception/misrepresentation in those whose narrative-forming minds stronghold judgement and retrojustification, or causing breakdown in those with grief.

Which is why politeness is absolutely necessary. Politeness is another word for attentive, and tactful. It is your zero ground. You can rely on politeness to demonstrate that you have good intentions -- it's communicated through your body language.
And emotional intelligence. Knowing how to respond.
By being attentive, you're showing you're not infophobic.
Suspicion of anothers' infophobia may lead to insecurity.
When you detect anothers' insecurity, do not respond to it. Ignore it to the best your body language.
Allow the other person to believe they are invisible.
Invisibility is a secure feeling.
(it is secure on the short-term scale. It is not ultimate security)
Having your insecurity naked to the world feeds into further insecurity.
Insecurity is a distraction of your thoughts.
It is hard to be engaged when you are distracted by such thoughts.
Others may detect your inability to engage with them, and form insecurity themselves. In this way it spreads.
When you detect it spreading, you are further insecure once more.
With confidence, your insecurity does not spread.

It gives you confidence to see that you encouraged someone else to be confident.

This is why being around highly-inspired people, who are always on the verge of new revelations, can be healing. You gain confidence.

Truly, you must be secure with having insecurities

Acknowledge them, and their effect on your behavior. Acknowledge their origins, and plan your way through them.

In that way you are free from them.

Humility is complex. When does humility come off as an expression of insecurity? When would that make others feel insecure, because they pushed you off the pedestal of self-confidence?

When do people gain strength from your expression of confidence?

How do we solve this with game theory?

Ah, how can one express humility and confidence?

Here is my question for you Adam.

(I've been paying attention to some strategies, and I'm rather forming my own right now, but I will save my ideas for a later encounter)

Timber Timbre

My brain has been producing so many good ideas lately. Timbre Explorer -- uses recursive k-means clustering on audio to organize transients into hierarchical groups of similar timbre. Easy to use interface to find all the laughter in an hour long recording of people talking, for example. So useful for sound/video remixing. AHH! Come to First Night, Dec 31st, Prudential Plaza, and see it all in action! I challenge you to bring your enthusiasm and move your body to #cortexelation


HOURS OF LMAOS. New project via the genius of Tom Fahey: recording hours of the laughter of my friends. Individual laughter. Group laughter. THEN build a bot that generates laughter music, and laughter remixes, and audio with laugh tracks added. AND vice versa, bots which remix music to the patterns laughter AND THEN mashup the remixes together for Cortexelation's New Year's Eve show AND THEN ALSO MAKE a techtrip/glitch which adds binaurally-recorded laugh tracks to your thoughts in real time, guaranteed to accentuate certain madness. HOLY FLAC!!!

Halloween Haunt 2012

(Poem about our adventures written by Kayla)

running fast to me
slow motion to her
drinking green tea
instant love for all is pure

marching, chanting, instruments a go
haunting the stations, the commons, the gardens, and more
shaker in hand to beat with the flow
Boston did not know what was in store

the build up, the rage
spectators, we caught their eyes
under a gazebo cage
they were in for a surprise

dressed up, dancing, gypsyrock monkeys in full gear
the peak of our night
the guests not knowing what would next appear
louder and faster with all our might

back to the basement to have a rave
music blaring with crystallized colored flashes
after haunting, how dare we behave?
our heads, to the sounds of music are bashing

Some dwindled down
and then there were four
where we gave massages on the ground
which was not a chore

A bed for the four of us
cozy and tight
cuddling and spooning are always a plus
now time for bed and we turn off the loght and say goodnight

A deep voice sings us to sleep
the vibrations are intense
the comfort of body heat I I had to keep
As a drifting of waves puts me to bed, the sensation was immense

Wake in the day time
glow sticks scattered all around
days like this make me want to rhyme
I don't want to leave, don't make a sound

The AfterMath 12

Woo getting ready for the haunt!
I'm so ridiculously excited!
Kayla and Summer are coming from far away to visit for this ridiculousness!!
I feel really balanced.
Which is peculiar given that my lifestyle continues to grow more bizarre.
Perhaps for the first time everything is that exact level of weird I want it to be.
I continue to push the boundaries of my comfort zone,
in ways which allow me to grow.


I've been feeling really bored lately. This is astounding, because I annihilated the feeling of boredom when I was 15, and also this is astounding because I am also constantly captivated by the world, and I have a large number of projects with which I am involved. I have concluded that boredom is healthy, but only if it is dealt with properly. Boredom is associated with the growth of a new part of your brain. It is a seeking of stimulation, so that new neurons can be put to use. This is also connected to loss. By loss I mean the end of a relationship, getting fired from a job, a band going on hiatus, a friend moving away, breaking your leg, etc. Loss is like uninstalling software that was using a lot of your computer's resources. With loss may come either 1) emptiness or 2) an influx of life which you have been suppressing. When there is emptiness this is a time for neuroplasticity. Installing new software. You have to be conscious about what you fill the new space with. This is why meditation is important.

Meditating is keeping clean your new neuron-growth. Nurturing it. Making sure it isn't overwhelmed by repetitive thoughts, or anxiety, or regret, or obnoxiousness. Consciously making use of it. Consciously being the gate keeper of what enters this new network of neurons. Making sure you don't fall into a sinkhole of nihilism. Building your personal world of meaning.

In other words: instead of getting all pissed off in your head about how you're uncomfortable, empty, or bored, have the discipline to engage yourself in challenges.

Having discipline is doing things even when you don't feel like it. It is taking conscious, rational control of your behavior. This is necessary, because some feelings are black holes, strange loops which reinforce themselves. Whereas doing something you love makes you feel good, even if it doesn't feel like it at first.

It used to be when I had nothing going on I'd start composing music in my head. But now I just do that so regularly that I need even more stimulation. Now when I'm bored just freestyle. I play rhyming games with myself. If I'm bored around other people, I can just pick up a stick and learn how to spin it, while having a conversation. If I'm bored with life, it can inspire me go off on my own risky adventure.

There's a number of shortcuts we use to avoid boredom, but one should think about how to best utilize boredom to contribute to future growth.

Because boredom is fuel. Chaos energy. Blank canvas chaos energy. It counters the paralysis of your own fear. It is fuel for risk-taking. Fuel for not giving a shit. Nothing's even whatever. It can be used to feed into belligerence and carelessness. It can be used to sink yourself deeper into nihilistic depression. It can be used for pushing your limits and for pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations. It can be used to nurture the perception that life is a joke, from which creative and absurd decisions naturally flow. How you respond to that is your own choice (hence the importance of meditation, being the gate keeper of thoughts)

TLDR; boredom is important, because when utilized properly it is a force which pushes us to challenge ourselves and take risks.

Bureaucracy 66

I'm reading up on machine learning and speech acoustics so I can build a decent lifelogging system, a NLP bot that recombines old ideas into new ideas, and a brainstorming room made out of touch-screen walls that combines all of that for the ultimate creative thinking environment.

Bureaucracy 63

The best part of Startup Bootcamp was much less listening to the speakers, and moreso meeting inspired people, brainstorming, finding hackers with the same vision as mine, filling my journal with ideas, discussing information age existentialism, and doing tai chi and parkour on MIT campus until 3am.

I apologize to everyone, you have my love, I am very people-overwhelmed, and I have to focus on building an eternal accelerando DJing system controlled by my brainwaves, and then prepare for a transcendental adventure with my band this weekend on Peaks Island.

As a hacker, musician, and free spirit... there is much good work to be done in the world, and I have much growing to do <3

Bureaucracy 14

The challenge for the out-there idea-thinker is the ability to articulately translate their reality tunnel in terms of another's. This is especially easy if usefulness can be demonstrated.

Often there are shared values where people's ideas diverge. For example, one may believe life is best spent recklessly seeking pleasure without respect to others, while another may believe giving love, creativity, and synergy is the greater form of pleasure --> both are hedonists.

In terms of brain enhancement, keeping a journal is up there with meditation and eating right. And yes, the shifting wind is another reason: they help you map the territory of your brain.

I usually do things because I feel compelled to. In this case, I couldn't *not* keep a record of my ideas and thoughts. I am only one person, one artist, one engineer, and I cannot keep up with, elaborate, and follow through on all the things the muses drive me to. Thus, a record of them, for later, was the least I could do.

This comes in handy when I'm inspired later, and I need to reference earlier related inspiration. For example: when I'm writing a new song, and I want to find unused ideas that would go well with it. Or when someone asks me about X, and I already have a well articulated paragraph on X, I copy it.

You are right, there are plateaus you inevitably encounter, and need to figure out clever ways to climb beyond. For example, recording voice memos are extremely convenient (especially if you're admist a peak experience) but it is extremely inconvenient to listen through them again. Most of them get lost forever into obscurity. What do you do? Either 1) you have to have a discipline where you only record what you need to, and you find time to listen to the recordings again, and you take notes. Or 2) you have a very nice speech-to-text system which puts it all in your journal as text [technology is almost at this point, but it's not quite perfect].

As a side-effect it was relatively easy to make the brain map from there. I am quite overwhelmed by it. And when I look at it I become terribly dissociative.

I need to figure out how to integrate it usefully into my life. Maybe I could have an automatically generated CJ newsletter. Like, "horoscope of the day" except "CJ's-old-ideas-from-exactly-a-year-ago of the day".

Another thing I started trying was using simple AI to mash old ideas together into new ideas. Most of it is nonsense, but 1 in every 20 things it comes up with makes me think of something new. Maybe once I get better at manipulating natural language, it'll blow my mind even further.

The goal is to form more connections.
To get my muses to talk to each other and collaborate on something great.
And to understand my own energy.
And to explore.
And to create the world.
And to continue being compelled by the mystery
And the pursuance of love, beauty, truth, complexity, evolution, and awesome.


Cannot compute!

If you think about it one way, machines have, or can have emotions. What are emotions, but states of being with particular tendencies? Marvin Minsky argues people are 'emotion machines' and establishes the correlation between brains and machines in this regard. Also, another simple proof: it is possible for a computer to simulate a human (by 2025 we will be able to cheaply simulate a whole human brain); thus any behavior a human is capable of, a machine is capable of.

Whether or not computers *experience* is a different question. If you're a panexperientialist, you would say that everything experiences; everything has a unique subjective experience of its own. If you're Roger Penrose and Stuart Hameroff, you would argue that a particular phenomenon that happens in the microtubules of the brain (quantum superposition collapse) is responsible for experience -- and any physical correlate of this phenomenon (example: in a quantum computer) should generate moments of subjective experience.

Whether or not computers are *conscious* is a different question too. One view of consciousness is feedback: If you're aware of your surroundings (any information input, whether sensory or other), and you hold a model of your surroundings in your mind, and you can make predictions about what's going to happen, and you can react and plan accordingly, you are conscious. Computers can certainly learn, hold models, make predictions, and react. Robots do this in physical surroundings. Arguably narrow AI is an example of this as well, within an abstract environment (example: AI which make stock market decisions).

You might also argue that a computer needs to be aware of its own programming, and have the ability to understand and alter it on its own -- but even people aren't the best at being self-aware and reprogramming their habits and perceptions. But we do have machine algorithms whose purpose it is to figure out how to make faster, cheaper, and more intelligent machines, and they are successful at doubling computer power every 18 months. Within this century, it's predicted this will snowball into a self-perpetuating exponential explosion of artificial intelligence. (aka the technological singularity)

But what's more important is recognizing that feedback loops are not simply limited to the scope of individuals. My synapses don't touch each other, but they communicate via chemical signals. Your synapses and my synapses don't touch either, but they communicate through sound and light. In other words, there's no reason to say you and I don't share a neural network. Neuroscientist Ramachandran totally encourages us to start thinking like that.

And the same goes for brain-computer symbiosis. The computer is an exocortex. It stores all the memories whose details I cannot recall. It keeps track of social connections I cannot organize. It does all the cognitive processing I can't do quickly enough. And they're with all of us, connected in the great global brain.

See, there's real science behind all this "one mind, one consciousness" stuff!

When dealing with the arbitrariness of language, it's important to establish a common understanding of meaning, though also to recognize the map isn't the territory. Consider everything I write as metaphor. It's more interesting to fi
nd the points where the patterns of machines and biology are similar and are metaphors of each other, rather than to keep these concepts stuck in their separate categories. Some of the most successful machine learning algorithms borrow algorithms used in the brain. Some of the most effective ways to think are processes used by computers. It makes a lot of sense to abstract information processing from its medium, and to consider the patterns and functions of intelligence/emotion/cognition/thinking/consciousness regardless of what out of which they are made.

"The heart holds the soul"

The soul as the whole of all that is you - your mind, your body, your behavior, your consequences, your feedback loops, your taste, your perception, your tendencies, your friends, your culture, your world, your planet, your universe; everything you influence and everything which influences you (which is everything); the inconceivably beautiful structure of all the interconnectivity; the chains of cause-and-effect which extend indefinitely into time and space to and from your actions and decisions in the present; the set of all patterns which comprise you and your mind, and also everywhere these patterns are found, in any medium (organic, non-organic, abstract, memetic, your brain, your art, the art others create, other brains, etc). There are a number of ways to express the totality of you, which when taken to their logical extremes, beyond the arbitrary limits of identity, express a lack of any separation between you and other.

The heart as the felt intimacy of the interconnectivity (and also often the location of the physical sensation related to the experience of it).

The heart holding the everything-soul, curling up next to it, for contact comfort.

The universe cuddling with itself.

Bureaucracy 11

Super amazing adventures this week! First in Nashua with Summer Dawnmarie and Tom for a beautiful time with wonderful people, gifting+encouraging journal-writing, being giants, drumming ontop of a waterfall at Purgatory Falls, finding red flowers so saturated their red tastes more cherry than cherry lollipops, making fun of Maaynurd, funrocking to System of a Down in the car and in the moss pit, sharing pizza, wine, beautiful perspectives and life stories, and our love for Evil Dead!

Then later at gypsy palace with my Firefly people, dominating with metaknight, going on a spontaneous bike ride with Em Kay, getting sillier than dilly with Vanessa and Pat, and getting a chance to discuss spirit animals and models of psychoanalysis with Dante before she left for Colorado.

Next having the opportunity to jam with guitar god Jon Lipscomb and listen to the new Whoarfrost album [totally blew my mind, and I realized I want to study Jon's technique].

Finally last night, being nostalgically awesome with ~70 of my high school friends, first on a boat, and then later at Down, watching these awesome kids teachin' us how to dougie, moshing to Sum 41 with Jeff, Isaac, May, Ashley, Curtis, Andrew, Ryan, Pete -- taking the adrenaline up a notch bboying to hard house. We got a breakdance circle going at both dance parties!

Today Of the Sun is playing twice! Come on down to Woodstock/Weirdstock in the Boston Common today and tomorrow. Free. Hundreds of bands playing 15 minutes each. It's going to be insane. We're going on at 6:30pm and we're playing an acoustic-ish set!

Afterwards we're playing again at the Out of the Blue Art Gallery around 10:30pm! For longer!

OH and breakdancing to Holiday Mountain at the Institute of Contemporary Art for their going-away-CD-release shananagans! I love you guys so much, I'm going to miss you!!!! We will tour down to Austin and find you soon! (:

:: "I'm just me" ::

It's absolutely important to surround yourself with people and experiences that synergize you, your needs, your awesomeness, and allow you to grow into the most awesome expression of yourself.

If you try to be someone or something which doesn't make sense for you to be, you will always be overexerting yourself.

The growth is more like a regression. A shedding of the noise and baggage in your mind. When you are centered, everything is effortless. You are pulled more than you are pushed. You gain net energy from experience, rather than depleting yourself.

Never stop growing.
Never get too comfortable.
Never stop becoming aware.
Always keep your tact.

Super awesome people, who care, who are strong and able, will try to help you through your insecurities, either by guiding you through the life experiences you need to overcome them (more powerful), or by helping with the rational reasoning for overcoming your own perception/behavior.

Absolutely love yourself. Everyone has insecurities, everyone has neurotic behaviors, and everyone is in the process of growing out of them. There is nothing wrong with you. Love yourself so that you can be strong enough to overcome the ways in which you get in your own way.

I've dealt with much insecurity in the past.

Insecurity can be complex, paradoxical, and you will encounter situations in which the establishment of balance is tough. When one's insecurity runs counter to another's needs, it gets complex. There are breaking points beyond which even those who immensely care about each other have strong difficulty getting past and resolving.

For example: the paradox where one person needs another person to not be insecure -- the pressure of the need of which causes that very insecurity.

What a strange loop!

When you're stuck in a negative feedback loop like that, and it's not resolving, sometimes the best thing to do is to leave the situation. Poof! Then when the pressure is gone, one finds one's center of balance, things resolve, and all of a sudden one has overcome one's insecurity!

Direct communication is important, because unspoken insecurity can be easily misinterpreted as something it isn't (for example: disinterest). When the other is made aware, they can be supportive and help you through it.

"What were you thinking about one second ago?"

I had just returned from a burrito adventure, reflecting upon it and the thoughts I had. I was jumping over railings on Boylston St, listening to Dillinger Escape Plan's album Calculating Infinity. The whole thing felt very 2006 CJ nostalgic. I thought about how I discovered awesome around then. My core hasn't changed, I've only grown more complex.

Listening to mathcore gods Dillinger Escape Plan, I suddenly remembered how bored I am with most music.

Or used to be, rather.
It wasn't until 2009 when I leveled up and achieved the ability of always finding endless things in sound to fascinate my imagination, even in pop music. Everything has its place.

But while this ability to like anything is a super power, it comes with it great responsibility:

Just because I can tolerate sogginess, does not give me permission to water down my own aesthetic.

Calculating Infinity is one of my favorite CDs of all time.!/album/Calculating+Infinity/134046
I know 93% of it by heart. I can't help but get animate, air drum, and air strum all the patterns, syncs, transitions, odd times, polyrhythms, syncopations, and moments of shred. It's one of my favorite albums to play along on guitar, all the way through.

If you can get yourself past all the dissonance on the surface,
you'll find yourself getting turned on by all the fucking beautiful structural geometry going on in the music. It's hilarious. It makes me giggle.

The music most everyone is listening to doesn't reflect this flavor of beauty well. Other music can be beautiful and complex in other ways. For example, electro/dubstep can be very timbrally interesting [thanks to FM synthesis] -- though usually structurally boring.

The beauty of mathcore has always left a wonderful taste. My personality resonates with its pattern expectation and violation, its atonal dissonance, and its relentless physical intensity. I wished all social interactions mimicked it.

All art should progress, and when I hear an absense of progression, I worry about synaptic pruning.

My first song I wrote inspired by this aesthetic, around 2004:

Later my ears discovered that Stravinsky was fapping over the same aesthetic when he built the Rite of Spring. Again, the whole ballet is a giggle fest for me.

OH and Balinese (not Javanese) Gamelan is amazing like this too.

But most of all these examples, mathcore makes me want to mosh, do parkour, solve puzzles, and think so hard.

TLDR; Most music bores me. I have a responsibility to not be boring.

Poem Anagram Remix Fun Expression Time

We are shining with galaxies
We are galaxies

Exhilarate awe, wishing sign
Axis-aware glee

:: As the summer sun lifted a wink ::

As the summer sun lifted a wink from behind the clouds, its great neon yawn stunned me with its cosmic attraction, briefly before slumbering back behind blankets of nimbus.

And I thought, how did I really get here? This moment pulled me toward it through a series of spontaneous decisions, led by no other ethic than the seeking out of beauty and adventure, and the desire to push my own limits.

I was certain I'd turn the bike around long before Castle Island; long before Jamaica Pond; before Chestnut Hill Reservoir; before the dehydration;
Before the gathering at Circle, where I met Greg who creates new organisms, and breakdanced with a self-taught martial artist, y yo hablo espanol con mi unico cosmigo Nuno sobre psytrance del espirales, and seriously had fun with just the nicest, awesome people in all of Boston (you know who you are)!;

Before serendipitously happening on a crowd of hundreds encircling my Catalyst and Firefly friends spinning fire in Union Square (Those freaking multi-person flame jugglers blow my mind);

Before getting schooled by Encanti at the Asylum, playing with his new toy, and learning about his production process.

I was certain it was going to be a loner day.

Bureaucracy 2

I got to the phoenix landing pretty early, and started dancing when there was room to really thrash, but by the time the population reached the height of capacity I was pretty exhausted. So I watched the DJ and paid attention to the sound, the mix, the timbre, and how the much the audience was digging it. People go nuts for that heavy FM synthesis sound. Among many life goals its my goal to produce my own flavor of dnb/darkstep/neurofunk, because it's one of my favorites things to dance to. I throat-sang/beatboxed/freestyled with people outside, and witnessed someone having a seizure and the EMT ambulancing them off. Then I played an imaginary game of spy-ninjas with some wonderful friends in the street. Pretty fun night.

Earlier Berklee provided us with awesome latin food at a restaurant. I sat with this man Alan and his wife. He invited me to a studio open house, to whcih I went later with Evan, but there was a power outage in the building, and we explored the darkness, and saw some cool art. Before that I went to a Python hackers meetup, where I met Evan, and met this MIT professor that is as obsessed with fractals in music as I am. Hahahaha. I showed him some of the experiments I've been working on and he dug it.

I hung out at this coffee shop till sunrise and got home totally okay.

I think about how there's so many people suffering with symptoms of being hateful, homophobic, etc. Unable to fully trust people, they are untrustworthy themselves. Wandering samsara. If only they could open themselves up!

Outside the shop I talked to these guys that seemed like best friends, but they were so distrustful of each other. One asked the other to watch his bike while he got a slice of pizza, the other asked if he'd pick him up a slice while he was in there, one got pissed off that he'd even ask, and the other got pissed off because he couldn't go inside and get his own slice because he had to watch the bike. One came out and finally offered the other a bite, but the other didn't even want the bite anymore. I asked them why, and they said "It's the principle". It felt so strange. I'm so used to sharing all my food. Principle of what? Standing your own ground as someone who needs no one? Are you insecure about being taken advantage of, and of being walked all over, by your friend? And to compensate, you try to establish the opposite power role? That is middle school psychology. Even if you are totally self-interested, it makes rational sense to share. One day you be hungry. It's called game theory. And even if you don't know if you can trust another person, there is a sharing pattern called tit-for-tat that benefits everyone maximally.

Conceptual Jamming on Summer's Prose

Moving beyond the script-driven behavior of "normie" psychology,
away from fear and insecurity,
toward openness and more intimate connections with others.

Sharing beautiful moments, ideas. Responding, remixing, amplifying. Memetic sex. Feedingthrough. Blowing minds. Contributing to the peak experience of all. You silly loner, all along this was the greatest form of hedonism!

After all, connecting with others is a form of reconnecting ourselves. Reclaiming ourselves.

Reinforcing the bonds of community, creating feedback loops to synergize us all.

So that we may cast aside the dissociation, the scripts, and the insecurity; so that we may express and evolve our authentic selves.

A simple mantra to live by: Feed into those that feed into you so that the feedback feedsthrough.

Someone shakes your hand, you give them a hug. Amplify.

Someone shares with you their beautiful writing, you write prose in response to the feelings and concepts it created inside you. Feedthrough.

Twisting with time! Yes! Do you feel it? That brushing-up-against feeling. Brushing up against the spectrum of possibility. Against those windows where you can reach out and touch the first dominos of great chains of cause-and-effect! The echos which return! The blossoming geometry of it!

It is closer to you than your finger tips.

The universe, man, and the surprises they send each other


That weird noise rock band with the didgeridude singer

HOLY FUN FRIENDS! Tonight's show was the most free I've ever felt OTSing. The beautiful Firefly people in the audience were completely responsible!

After being enamored by the energy, spontaneity, and invasion of Mammox's live show at Radio, I realized the bar was raised on how much energy I should be putting into my shows. I definitely pushed the limit tonight, and was happy with myself.

May peace and love feedthrough ♥ ☮ ♥ ☮ ♥ ☮ ♥ ☮ ♥

Confusion 67

That feeling when you realize someone is just using you to hurt someone else.

That your 'love everybody' attitude can't be so simple.
Feeding a distrust of people.
Closing yourself off.
Curling in.

Then comes that secondary feeling in the pit of your stomach.
You used to give your love
so freely and enthusiastically.
Now you are not so sure of who you are.
You fear your openness regressing
It has to.

And that third feeling,
for the fear all humanity encounters
Which convert the 'philic to the 'phobic

And the ways in which our survival instinct can contribute to our sickness.

Slutty decompression

I am writing in a tree house at the best MIT commune full of beautiful like-minded geeks ever. Had an amazzzzzing weekend with pika people, Firefly people, and Retarded Lions people, loaded full of adventure, adorableness :), dancing, music, slutty yard sales, absurdist crafts, rooftops, urban hacking, communal dinner and cleaning, and talking to people about agent-based simulation, gamelan, echonest, Messiaen, granular synthesis, hot pepper->music synesthesia, meditation neuroscience, and other inspiring stuff. 4am Hypersisyphus spiral dream torture was absolutely blasticles.

Confusion 52

Has there always been this kind of magic in the world? am I just now discovering it, having been fortunate enough to meet wonderful people? or is it my perspective? have the waves been passing over me all along -- do I now just hand myself over to the free flowing rapids of chaos? trusting the attractors will pull me to awesome, adventure, and absurdity?

The more we hug the universe, the more the universe hugs back. (: Love and beauty are about perspective. They are always out there, but what changes is one's ability to see them, and engage with them.


Biking home from the utopia of Circle (it was awesome meeting everyone there [Zyler, Samuel, Tom, Alyce, Vicky, Theresa, Tony, Aurelio, DJ, Nia, Zach, Dana, and all the others], reminiscing about Blast Corps, discussing neurofeedback, keeping the drum circle alive, hard rollicking to Lenore, and helping out with clean up and the door), I randomly joined a mob of Artisan's Asylumists riding ships, chimeras, and behemoths cloaked in LEDs grooving to the 80s candy of our decentralized dance party. (Idea: DJ system or collective sound manipulation suited for a bicycle mob.) Later I discussed technology and international affairs with a fellow pirate until well past sunrise >X^D

Life = one heaping pile of adventure teaming with spontaneity and beautiful people.

I returned that night to the AA for post-Firefly potluck, although I arrived a few hours too late, and missed seeing a good number of people. Next year there will be a permanent installation of The Ground is Lava. Sparr and Drew talked about how we could design it to last.

Something I've been thinking about again recently: what is the optimum way for an expert to talk with another person about a subject they know little, with the most amount of useful information passed on? This is the problem of teaching, but it is also relevant when I meet someone interesting at a party, or when someone asks me about something idiosyncratic I do.




Isaac Woods

Woah life.
Okay, releasing emotion makes me hard.
Not a good idea to keep things inside, circling around and around. Dissociation counter-mechanism rule #1) allow yourself to feel and react.

Peak experiences YES! I have had many this month. They are the juice.

Isaac and I hung out in the woods. It was fucking awesome. I love the energy between Isaac and I. Copy and exaggerate. Put your trust in the other's spontaneity. Those are the basic ingredients for healthy, creative, hilarious friendship with CJ.

We pedaled through the woodland paths. I've never done that before! I can't imagine someone successfully pedaling up a mountain like Monadnock. A good chunk of it was us carrying our bikes through jagged uphill rock paths "is this what mountain biking is?!" LMAO

We made it to one of the winchester resevoirs. Smirking past the no trespassing signs, we dove in. In an unprecedented move of responsbility, I dove back out and put on my white infinity butterfly shirt, to keep the sunshine off my skin.

We swam out to a rock and chatted about life. We hooted and heard a response hollar. We saw smoke in the distance? A fire. We saw helicopters flying. Momentary paranoia - but nothing that deviated us from fun.

Later we found a water alcove in which we had a spontaneous ritual jam:
+throws two rocks into the water+
"It's going to do the cool Venn Diagram thing with the ripples"
+when ripples meet, harmonize drone+
OOoooooooooooooohhhhhhhh +pop+
"Now we each find a rock"
+jam out for 5 minutes by clacking our rock on sticks, trees, water, and other rocks+
"Okay now we throw our rocks in the water again"
+throws two rocks into the water+
"It's going to do the cool Venn Diagram thing with the ripples"
+when ripples meet, harmonize drone+
OOoooooooooooooohhhhhhhh +pop+
"Now we find the other person a rock"
+jam out for 5 minutes by clacking the rock we're going to give the other person on sticks, trees, water, and other rocks+
"Okay now we throw our rocks in the water again"
+throws two rocks into the water+
"It's going to do the cool Venn Diagram thing with the ripples"
+when ripples meet, harmonize drone+
OOoooooooooooooohhhhhhhh +pop+
"Okay now I throw two rocks"
The process repeated like this for a good amount of time. The evidence is recorded somewhere. I will look for it if anyone wants to hear it. Love the ritual jams.

Later we found a fallen tree and we beat the shtick out of it. Isaac fired this spacetime dimension gun at it, but I forget what happened. He set up his camera on a stump and we both screamed as long and as passionately as we could.

We sung and harmonized "MEDICATED TV WATCHING DADS" over and over until we were screaming it, and some guy in another alcove looked over to us all ?_?. It's the new Clive Wearing's Journals hit.

Galatamine Dream Adventure II

Tried Galatamine+Choline again after 4 hours of sleep. Within minutes I was in asleep in REM yet had fooled myself I was still awake and that I had dropped acid. "wtf It's 5am why did I. . . how am I going to make psytrance today for Firefly like this. . ." I was feeling panicked, as the sensations intensified, and the environment began to dissolve. My room had become the doorway to a psytrance festival; I went exploring. I thought about climbing onto a roof, jumping off and flying through the cityscape of Boston, before I realized I could just take off from the ground. Shoooooom! I flew through landscapes made out of memories, deeper and deeper into my mind. I flew over New Zealand, too. I landed in Davis Square, where I met a friend getting ready for work. With psytrance blasting through my headphones, I danced while waiting in line for eggs. Then it ended with a sex dream. I woke up laughing.

Confusion 32

Adam James Davis
‎"The awakened universe wants to get intimate with you"

Adam, you're right it's about time I seduced the universe.

Confusion 8

I often shut down my emotions.
A subset of them.
Important ones.

I didn't care until now because
1) the other half of my emotions are controllably intense
2) I had convinced myself it made "rational sense not to feel useless emotions"
3) now it's fucked me over.

Shutting down is so smooth and instant it's as if there were no reaction at all.
Is it because I like being in rational control of my feelings?
Is it because don't want to do something I might regret before I fully process everything?
Rational processing is slow and tactful (unless it's been preprocessed)
Anger and temper is QUICK

But sometimes the tactful, appropriate reaction is ANGER. It establishes boundaries. It reconditions others. Insiders feel safety from outsiders.

This is what I must learn and integrate.

Discord 67

Whoat is my personality?
No idea (85% of the time)
Peak experiences create me.
My personal experience must shape me . . .
as soon as I merely only mimic others,
I will be nobody.
Discipline drives me (that 85% of the time)
Peak experiences which I integrate create/reinforce my personality.
Those which I cannote integrate,
make me feel disconnected
like nobody.
What factors inhibit integration?
Regret, anxiety, and overwhelming emotional pain.
I cannot establish a sense of self until I am free from these.

Discord 59

less and less I feel like myself
the lessons learned from my life
overflowing my shelf

1) drives on like a drone
2) deters the absurd
3) fears of feeling full grown
while all I want
is to be

Confusion 9

Self-inflicted identity violence
Infinite velocity-filled descent
Conceived infidelity left silent