* write in blog about awesome hang out
* cosubjectivate [song]
* please let go [song]
* CfA2 Great Wall [song]
* OTS vox
* Nate music experiment
* prepare for birthday
* read proust was a neuroscientist before meeting Dan for lunch
* update chaos notes * Music-powered Christmas lights
* zeptonaut drivepilot drone
Lost projects, still should salvage:
* Anntholocj
* hypersisyphus spiraltrance [song]
* inspiration: self-perpetuating [song]
* Cortexelation Wadzilla Mansion strobe goggles video
* Cortexelation Wacky Kastle
* Adam video
inspiration self perpetuating
sounds like a merry go round that when you step on it, actually looks like its going in a straight line
--johnathan cortexelation
I'm in the program of my brain, jumping around PKing art
Re-read journals from ~2010. They're the best journals. They are saturated with great ideas. Name your songs after journaloids. Put the Cortexelus dialogues into your book. Create polished drafts of the art and comics. todocortexelationjournals
A O U sounds sounds bigger "gargantuon humungous"
E I sounds smaller "itty bitty teeny weeny"
probably because we associate larger animals with making low frequency sounds linguisious
my mind was blown today when I realize that american folk music is african influenced, (and thus nearly all american music is african influenced).... but european folk music isn't... and european music wasn't until it was american-influenced music
Binaural playground music.
FM transmitter click track. Everyone bangs to the beat at the playground.
I stand way in the distance, recording it.
Then do it again at a different playground, this time, way in the other distance.
Mix it together. cortexelation
Turtle Race + drawdio [james]
Water puddle distance controls the pitch music-hack
If it was a short video loop, where there was salient activity in different chunks of the video at different timespaces, I think it would make it easier. Your eyes would immediately be drawn to pieces with similar activity; and you could keep that activity in focus if the loop phases were short enough. Then you'd get these chunks of similar activity together and it becomes really interesting to figure it out. Hm. You could very easily change the position of the audio relative to the position of the pieces, to create an easy glitch effect, which resolves when you solve the puzzle. gamescortexelation
http://www.flashdevelop.org/
flixet
box2dflash.sourceforge.net
physics game. Hit right until you get to the game with the three towers. A game where you try to keep your shit together. Call it Keep it together. Use your brain map for imagery? Straight faces roll in and try to knock down your tower. You try to keep everything together with physics. The blocks can be category tags?
The psychologist DW MacKinnon investigated scientists, architects, engineers, and writers that those regarded by their peers as "most creative" were in no way whatsoever different in IQ than their less creative colleagues.
So in what way were they different?
MacKinnon showed that the most creative had simply acquired a facility for getting themselves into a particular mood. A way of operating. Which allowed their natural creativity to function. MacKinnon described this as an "An ability to play. "
Open and closed.
Open is divergent, humorous, playful, open. It is fragile. Space time osais.
Closed is convergent, refining. Beta waves.
Humor brings us from the closed mode to the open mode.
Flow -> Csikszentmihalyi
"Peak experiences are transient moments of self-actualization". Maslow
We can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible.
Oscar Wilde
http://www.futurepundit.com/archives/001397.html
Professor Allan Snyder - after 15 minutes of TMS on the left temporal lobe, drawing and proof-reading ability increases
"Imagine if I could temporarily give you a child's look at the world" Snyder
Persinger
"Despite the very weak current used, DC polarization applied to specific brain areas can alter verbal fluency, motor learning and perceptual thresholds"
SAT 3/17 st pats day adventure awesome <3
SUN 3/18 of the sun, midway cafe
WED 3/21 Lorax 6pm harvard square <3<3
THU 3/22 Isaac
MON 3/26 go back to work
TUE 3/27 mensiversary <3 Makefest at Ann's
WED 3/28 ((:ofthesun::)) practice
FRI 3/30 Party at brighton apartment
SAT 3/31 Isaac's fuckin' birthday!!!! madWorld Of the sun
SUN 4/1 Cuddle fest (:
MON 4/2 Max hangout
TUE 4/3 Yummy Sauce Startrek Scooter <3
WED 4/6 haircut THU 4/5 Of the sun
FRI 4/6 PAX East
SAT 4/7 International Pillow Fight Day / Sauce Hack day?
SUN 4/8 Sauce Hack day?
MON 4/9 John Meek's birthday; All Asia
TUE 4/10 (Meet Sunshine <3) Second Annual Modern Perspectives in Psychedelic Research 6pm
THU 4/12 Isaac/Alex Hack Day
SAT 4/14 LOVE DATE
TUE 4/17 Psychedelic Salon: Dreaming
WED 4/18 Teach Ableton class
4/20-23 Ludum Dare
4/22-23 Music Hack Day @ Microsoft
4/29 BU Talk
5/19 Meshuggah
7/4-7/8 Firefly
Familar ring tone remix, as ringtone
(the one with Descending notes)
Morph it into something funny (like flight of the bumblebee) ringtones
I actually should get a Power FET, not a Relay, to control christmas lights with music. Power FETs can control dimness, thus cooler effects. I assume that means they don't obnoxiously click like relays do. I mean, maybe the relay could work as its own instrument, clicking in time with the music. But I don't know if I want to necessarily integrate this new friend into my social circle of sounds hanging out in my song, clicking. http://arduino-direct.com/sunshop/index.php?l=product_detail&p=60 http://www.emartee.com/product/42102/Arduino%204%20Route%20MOSFET%20Button%20IRF540%20V2.0+
IRF540 v2.0+
Hm. LMFAO. Okay I thought about it it, and it's pretty funny. But I'd have to specifically compose for it. I'm not just going to NOT pay attention to this potentially hilarious thing. (I could even wire the FET and the Relay together in serial along the lights circuit, and use them on demand, mutually-exclusively, by always leaving the other in the OPEN state.)
Love you! You're an ice cream sugar cone with a small coffee.
u/.__. can't wait to drink this blueberry lavender pomegrante lemonade soda
Ann Le Blanc:
This is what it feels like to be us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yvOYoNrzWM
Ann Le Blanc:
It was really nice of Panda Bear to follow us around and translate our emotions into music.
CJ Carr:
AWE. Makes me want to make music like this. (Panda Bear, Animal Collective. . . Happy noise, trance-repetition, and harmonies!) . Makes me want to make a music video like that (funky white noise). Makes me feel so much. ♥ It was really nice of them ^___^ You are just full of Sweetlmaos ♥ !!!!!! sauceloveisthesongmusic-video
rhetorical reverb resonating irrelevance;
irrevocably tantric tran-srealism reverence;
tripping trippy trans trans-humane trans-humanity;
mundane urbane membrane post-insanity
metabolize the euthanized post-apocalyptic profanity
Realism's realistic reinvention of reality
<3
To my membrane, who encloseth my brain
To the pulsing candy tramp-o-lain
To the etch-o-sketch in the sky
Whose crumbs and sauces myst-o-fy <3
<3
To my footsie, who enclothes my skin
Whose self-affirming warmth embrace me in
And fortifies foundations of my integrity
Built on rofl, rhyme, love, and spontaneity <3 saucepoetry
inexact looter cortexelation
Mashup all the best parts of songs together. Get a feel for the heavy funk. cortexelation
Some heavy beat. Tribal, throat sing.
Then transformation.
Guitar drums. same beat/breakdown.
Then transformation.
Industrial?
Transformation.
Deathstep/hellectro same beat/breakdown.
Transformation.
My own style. (Mix of all styles?) cortexelation
Breakbeat acid: Funny beat. Then Acid. Then breakbeats at regular tempo. Then infinity acid, then breakbeats ritardando.
Pretty much a cover of the original song. cortexelation
Two bass tracks, A and B. A hardpans Left and side-chains B. B hardpans Right and side-chains A. The result is stereo bass, but never lopsided, and never muddy.
--Inspiration: self-perpetuating
New voices.
Straight rhythmic, without guitar sample.
Syncopation in the kick. Develop it. If it's there do more with it. Help anticipate the next section.
REturn to B -- go somewhere way else. Harmonized the naggy voice? Reflect the chord progression. Harmonize in the same way. Diversity. Maybe even toss it.
Return C-- Add some phrasing to the chords. Not just one per beat.
Arpeggios. Change of pitches happening on a slower curve? Playing with the rate of change of chords.
Tonal latching. Maybe change the center to a different instrument.
Build-up. First one can be minimal. Second one keep the spectrum going introduced in the first part. More drums. Samples. High-pitched.
First build-up maybe should consist entirely of the original drum sounds, and have them rearrnage and change in subtle ways.
To have a "post-*" reaction to your style of art; to have others call the death of your art; is a compliment of the greatest degree. It means your art has served its purpose. Its role in history is complete. The work is done. You can go home now. The shockwave of reaction->counter-reaction will infect and inspire the entire culture, in some way, if it has not yet already.
Write a song about ant death circles.
"Mr. Carr, This message is brought to you by the desire for an ant death circle song. ("Almond Dream" came to mind before I even realized what I was thinking about \m/ but I could see Of The Sun doing a song like that! hehe) And the letter e.e!"
Miss Le Blanc, I take your message with the highest of encouragement and inspiration -- the sounds are already manifesting in my head, a la Almond Dream with a descending shepard tone. Perhaps a music video? E.E ♥
extra beat
. . .. . |
. 00 00X000 0
00X000.0
Snare late by an 8th.
Oh baby I'm gonna leave you
Oooh that's right baby I'm gonna leave
If you don't...Love me at all
If I'm not...The only one on your wall
If it's not..how it was last last last fall
Oh baby I'm gonna leave you
Oooh that's right baby I'm gonna leave
If you don't...ask me out...this week
if you can't... Let me be me
if we can't act spontaneously
Oh baby I'm gonna leave you
Oooh that's right baby I'm gonna leave
If you can't..hold me when I'm cryin
cuz I feel like dyin' loveisthesongblues
"Myths are public dreams. Dreams are private myths. By finding your own dream and following it through, it will lead you to the myth world in which you live. " -- Joseph Campbell.
I had a dream some random fan made a z¬ remix, and even labeled their track as Zeptonaut. It was so awesome, and tried all these new things. Then I did some internet digging and it turned out to be James Staub under a pseudonym.
I had a dream my parents were fighting. My dad was saying some nasty things to my mom. I went out of my room [in which I was working on music] and told my mother "you don't have to let him say those things to you." But then mother revealed to me she was cheating on my dad. And my dad knew. And the argument they were having was about her being able to use the car to go meet her histress. And she revealed to me she was a secret alcoholic. And that all the water bottles she drinks have a bit of vodka in them. I felt so disgusted.
(private)
I had a dream that I was trying to run away from home without being seen. I was climbing and jumping over things and running away, but my dad kept appearing in a window or corner, and he always had some lame pun, sarcasm, or OCD thing to say. Eventually I jumped over the fence to my pool-neighbors on Spring St., and I ran. I ran and discovered a new park near my house. I just wanted to run to Ann's house. I miss her.
I noddded off in my couch. I composed and sung a song to myself in hyponogogia. I had amazing vocal range and pitch control, and it was extremely emotionally articulate. I've never imagined myself singing so virtuosously before. Like, "The Great Gig in the Sky" virtuous.
"In zen, it's very important not to mistake the finger for the moon. And be especially if the finger looks religous."
Cyclic footnote refrences? Like, 3 research paper chapters.
Evil takes other everything, settles, out of it grows art and music again.
A sea is full of life. There is an oil spill. From the oil spawns life which lives only in the oil.
God as permanent parent.
If it weren't for our mindless consumerist consumption, China wouldn't have been so powerful, and China wouldn't have saved us from the black hole asteroid.
30 sec delay. Everyone takes turn telling jokes every 30 seconds. James tells me a joke, I hear silence. Then Zack tells me a joke, but I hear James' joke instead. Then Isaac tells me a joke while I hear Zack's joke. Around and around lolololol we go.
If your house burned down and your whole family killed.
Where would you run to?
Who would you turn to
instinctively
instantly
initially
Who would you run after
Whose house would you go to
Who would you call first?
I'm going to die and none of this would have mattered.
I'm going to die alone without ever having experienced. . .
found. . .
any meaning
any divine being
any. . her
any her
Maybe that's hell
If no one has his her
he goes to hell
You die alone, you're dead alone
I'm going to die sooner than I will expect.
And I probably won't get over the fact I died
for a very long while
Ugh. I hate jealously.
It sucks. It's like, being sad because other people are happy.
It's so selfish to feel like this.
I've been feeling very unfufilled. I need a personal revolution, I think.
I wish no one had gotten to know each other yet.
I wish no one had gotten used to ecah other.
I wish we could get to know the people we love all over again.
I wish everyone had Alzheimer's.
You know I was thinking if I became mentally retarded from now on I wouldn't even care.
One moment to change the rest of my whole life, I wouldn't even care -- it all seems like a dream.
I have a lot of dreams like that, where my life changes forever, and I don't even care.
Hardcore is kind of like introverted music.
Always returning to the comfort zone of the open string,
throwing in other things here and there occassionally.
This family. . it's like I don't belong here.
My family is going to kick ass.
It's sad how entire relationships can fall and never pick themselves up again.
Miserable till death.
Human interaction, seems like the easiest thing you could do.
People are so stubborn.
Ann Le Blanc: I don't really interpret this as oversleeping. I missed 2-3 nights of sleep this week, lol. Tuesday night I didn't sleep at all, even though I was wicked drunk lmao.
CJ Carr: yeah thats just natural REM'in
CJ Carr: natural ramen
Ann Le Blanc: lol in a jamacian accent
Ann Le Blanc: "Ra-men-man!"
CJ Carr: "And I hopeya like Ra-men too"
CJ Carr: turns out he's talking about the jamaican sun jesus emperor
Ann Le Blanc: LMAO please please please can this be a cover lmao
You know those birds that make females think they are good mates, even though they have poor immune systems, because they pour biological energy into their appearance which makes them appear healthy on the outside? It disrupts the whole sexual selection process, and eventually makes females wary of real healthy birds. hipsters
LOVE LOVE LOVE<3 <3 <3 <3
SING THE SONG
SING IT LOUD
SING IT, YOURE ALLOWED
ALLOWED BY THE LOVE OF YOURSELVES
(*^*this is us being future-past kisch bostonian*%*)
Song of the tree.
Reuben.
Contact mic.
Middle-sized branch sounds best.
Put it all together, record from the same wind. waldenreubencortexelationmusic-tech
not too much stockholm syndrome, just the right amount
Chaos 50; Rumination
I felt like myself for the first time in a rare recent while. And I was open and excited and extroverted. Only had anxiety a few times. But the anxiety was logical, and I know what future action I need to do. A zen master close to me suggested that "white noise" rumination on the past should be converted into future hypothetical contemplation. She was so right. In other words, when you make a mistake, don't just dwell on the mistake, think about what future reactions you should take. Self-conditioning. Learning from mistakes. And this is a very functional "white noise". Often times it is problematic to think of the white noise itself as a problem which should be eliminated -- and this may lead one to alcholism and escapism. But you want go straight through the belly of the furnance, and come out stronger. Yay Alan Watts. Lmao. How serious he was when he was younger.
Chaos 58; 27 Month Mensiversary
I LOVE Ann. I had the greatest birthday mensiversary woods adventure ever. It sent my happiness to astronomical proportions. I recorded a 20 minute Sansa journal, from which I will use to recall the entire day:
Hello, hello. I am so incredibly happy. It's my birthday 2012. 27 month. Mensiversary. February 27 2012. So incredibly happy. Like the happiest day in a long time, thanks to Ann because she's beautiful and wonderful. I'm so happy. We had a great time. We went to the woods. I love the woods. I love Ann so much. We were talking about what it would be like spending time with each other after 10 years of being happy, and how awesome our lives would be after building up so many memories and inside jokes. Sometimes when we talk about couplarity stuff Ann feels overwhelmed and dissociates. I have to hold back on my energy sometimes. It's cute. Being at the tip of the couplarity and not knowing what to do. Spilling over the edges. If we had a more advanced brain we'd probably know where to put all this awesome. So that's why we're making an anthology. All the spilled over edges of lubbiwub and awesome. Compile it all. Pile it all in. Then we're going to experience the Anntholocj ritualistically and a beautiful manner which we will totally super record.
Next time we're in the woods, we'll definitely bring a camera and record sounds and have an SD card. We were able to listen to sounds in super high definition.
So many fun things happened. We walked tot he high school. We brought the right amount of everything. We used everything we brought.
We climbed the G-Ap. The geodome. We pretended there were wheels on it and were driving it LMAO. We made a stick guy out of logs and wood and laid him on someone's lawn. ANARTCHY
When we entered the woods we met a PLUR kid. "Hey do you know what PLUR is?" "Yeah we go to raves!" "I think i'm the only kid in the voke who knows about PLUR" I believe it, and here he was, wishing us an awesome adventure. He was a senior. He likes drum n bass the best. We told each other about good clubs, and shared my knowledge of healthy pharmacology.
We saw Adam G in the rocks LMAO. We both drew him. LMFAO "ITS ADAM G!"
We played a game where we took turns closing our eyes while the other arranged rocks and sticks into funny faces LOL.
We played laughter meditation. And the exaggeration game. "YEAH THIS PATH CROSSES THE HIIIGHWAYYY!!!!"
One of the funniest moments was when she spontaneously jumped on a log and shuffled her feet. LMFAO!!! Shukka dukka shukka dukka.
We vandalized a tree and a sign to victory park. "Here is a vandalization on a pole paid for by your tax money." LISTEN TO ALAN WATTS. Head explode guy. Experience guy. A poem written to a tree: how all you are is how tall you are.
Turns out Ann is allergic to pears and she ate one. "I could die!" "Good thing we're 10 minutes from a hospital. I'll carry you there if I need to!" "10 minutes isn't enough, I could die in 10 minutes!" o.o;; but turns out she was totally okay. Phew.
We found a stone circle people made. We walked all around it to the center. One of the rocks said "JESUS".
Frogger rock. We claimed him for the Sauce. "CJ DO YOU SEE HIM?" There was a tree guy all epickly and tragically zapped by a lightning bolt, fallen against a big hill rock. We climbed the rock and claimed him for the Sauce. On top, we saw a platypus rock.
On Frogger Rock, we were feeling really close and intimate. "I bet no one can see up here, we're so secluded". We started leaning in for a kiss. And then a guy IMMEDIATELY walked by "hi guys." LMAO. Thanks Eris, thanks. Then a dog came up to us.
We had to save all the lichen from the wasps by tagging them with our feet.
We drank just a little bit, and had just a little bit of caffeine. Just a little bit of everything. We're pretty sensitive.
We skipped so much in the woods. Just so much skipping. Just so happy LMAO. Whenever it was downhill we'd run for it.
While we were skipping, we'd sing "Skippaty-do . . . skippaty DONT!" and then stop on the DONT. And then keep going.
We made it to the tower. I've never walked from the high school to the tower before. But we were successful. At one point we were disoriented, and we figured out where to go by following the sun. Oh yes. Sun? Won. Sunset. Beautiful.
The tower was locked, but we hung out outside and had a mini picnic and listened with high definition hearing the clanging of the chains on the tower. It was really chilly, and I gave her my sweatshirt. I am NAY fazed by the cold!
As we descended from the hill, we came to a lake. "Is this our dominion?" Not the same one, but I am sure it will ours. There, we met ducks. Let's feed them! I had a few crumbs of bread left, and I assembled them into tossible clumps. We noticed all the ducks were chasing away this one female duck. "Wait, I have an idea. Let's *only* feed the one duck everyone is chasing away". LMFAO. I threw the bread in, with carefully tuned timing and position. NOM. The duck nom'd all the pieces. LMAO LMAO LMAO. The ducks chased her away again, to the other side of the lake. But she swam back nevertheless, slowly and cunningly, from the flanks. We rolled up another bread clump. "hold!" I awaited Ann to give me the signal. "Hold!" We had to make sure she was close enough and that none of the other ducks would get any. "NOW!" I threw it. Landed right next to her in a few pieces. She saw it and ate all the pieces. LMAO LMAO LMFAO. Funnnnniesssst!!!
There was a swing in the path. We didn't even see it we were so distracted by the hilarious ducks. We played a game where one person swang on the swing and made out with the other person ambled to and fro from the ground. LMAO <3 <3 <3
We did a bunch of parkour. On our way back especially we climbed so much stuff. I was proud of her, pushing limits. Felt so awesome to have her as a girlfriend. "Ain't no 2.5 ton fatties." The sign. LMAO. I love telling the stories of all the successfully performed stunts me, Isaac, Shawn, and Alex did around Medford. LMAO imagine, parkour monuments? Maybe a future AR app.
We got spicy code roe at the Japanese store. We shared it on a ledge near the graveyard. Best place to have a picnic. She's afraid of heights, it's so cute, but she's been dominating them. She slid down the railings at the post office! I held her for the first few times. But then she did it all on her own! Then I did it [on my opposite side] and noticed it was actually some trouble. "Are you mocking me?" she asked. I said, "no we're cosubjectivating." "oh okay ^_^".
Cosubjectivate. Where you do something, and give me a wonderful subjective experience of you. I then immediately do the same thing so you can experience what it was like for me. LMAO.
When we got home we had a super yummy meal of beans and quinoa.
But before that. OH MY GOD. The GREATEST love making. The greatest. The greatest one. I felt so incredibly close to her. So incredibly close. We should only do it when we feel close to each other. I know we had been going slow, but it felt right. I felt something I hadn't felt before. It felt like an extreme really-close-in-the-moment with her. I just felt so much oxytocin. Just like a huge rush.
[will post pictures]
Chaos 60
I finished Beat Bot at work. James and I presented it. Everyone loved it and told me they were inspired. Erin made me hummus for my birthday. So awesome. I worked 12 hours the night before, till 11:30.
Chaos 61
Adventure to see Johnathan's play:
. . . [will write soon]
Chaos 63; Depersonalization
Came home late and met Ann at the park after missing her tremendously (: She figured out something about herself, which is good news. I feel so close to her!! Back at my house, we shared our doodles, and went for a dip in the sauce :).
Chaos 64; Socks
Ann and I went to Brighton for a hangout with Max and folk! I had motion sickness, and Ann held me and we moved to the back of the bus and made me feel much better (:. I wasn't really paying attention to where we were, but fortunately we got off at just the right stop, and walked not even a block. "Yay there's the playground!"
We were greeted with a game of Socks. Max said her sister invented and published the game. Wtf is up with the logo LMAO. I got the hang of Socks pretty quickly, and ended up tying Max with 21 cards.
Ann took us on a cupcake adventure. LOL. We found many bakeries, but only one of them was open. CJ: "Thank you Chinese people, for leaving your bakery open." Ann:"It's because they're in a different time zone." They got slices of cheesecake. I got a scallion roll and a cake roll. Cake rolls were to appear later as significant.
We spent tons of time in Max's room engaging in persiflage.
We played a game I invented called DESTROYING.
1) Everyone draws something small on a piece of paper.
2) Everyone passes it to the next person.
3) Now everyone draws something destroying the first thing.
4) Continue ad absurdum.
. . . [will post pictures soon]
Slumbie on the couch with Sunshine was the greatest ;) I had a dream that nobody understood me but Ann. They didn't understand what I found significant, what I wanted, and why I was doing what with my life. They derided me and pressured me to think otherwise. Incredibly frustrating. Sucks that many people really do have "friends" like that. In the dream though, Ann believed in me, and encouraged me to be myself. I woke up and she was next to me, warm, cute, and lovelily sauced. (:
Chaos 65
In Max's car we listened to Saul Williams. Earlier stuff I hadn't heard. Holy shit! How beautiful hip hop is when it's CONSCIOUS. Mind blown, and I even teared up a bit.
"This ain't hip hop no more, son, it's bigger than that. This ain't ghetto no more, black, it's bigger than black." He samples Bad Brains. Fusion of cultures. The bigger social problems are about who has money. He demeans the bullshit trends in hip hop. Keeps it real.
"Telegram to Hip Hop: Dear Hip Hop .(stop). This shit has gone too far. (stop). Please see that mixer and turntables are returned to Kool Herc. (stop). The ghettos are dancing off beat. (stop). The master of ceremonies have forgotten that they were once slaves and have neglected the occasion of this ceremony. (stop). Perhaps we should not have encouraged them to use cordless microphones, for they have walked too far from the source and are emitting a lesser frequency (stop). Please inform all interested parties that cash nor murder have been added to the list of elements. (stop). We are discontinuing our current line of braggadocio, in light of the current trend in "realness". (stop). As an alternative, we will be confiscating weed supplies and replacing them with magic mushrooms, in hopes of helping n****s see beyond their reality. (stop). Give my regards to Brooklyn." Damn.
Ann shared with me waffles, cuddles, gingerbread, big bang theory, her notes on Freud, Sapolsky, the meaning system of colored gem stones, a giant heart-shaped lollipop <3
I went home. Practice was canceled, I was elated to have much time to write in my blog and make music. My family wanted me to help them do all these things though, and I got extravert anxiety, and couldn't move myself from my bed to be productive, and took a nap until very late, whereupon waking I felt better, and started writing.
Extravert anxiety? That's when I dread anyone interacting with me. Typically only applies to my roommates [my family], and when I'm in self-designated introvert time/zone. It is especially intense when I've been looking forward to being introverted for a long time [i.e. I haven't had time to myself for a week]. It is worse if anyone enters my room. My amygdala becomes overactive and I can't concentrate or motivate myself to do the things I want to do. I get stuck in a limbo, where the most seemly course of action becomes just lying on my bed doing nothing for a while. A nap or coffee often helps.
SAUCE HACK DAY MARCH 2012
Welcome to the first mensual Hack Day.
Ann is the greatest girlfriend and human being in the universe!!!
Slumbie at my house! I like very much. Ann is huggling me and kissing me and telling me she loves me while I write about our hangout.
We fell asleep last night after having a conversation about pancakes. She likes to eat them like a cake. Baked in berries. Blackberries. I like sour cream on my pancakes, I like them rolled up like a cake roll panda. I love you so much. Feel me. Feel my self.
Before that we watched the second half of The Princess Bride. True love can never be stopped my death, can only be delayed for a time. Mwah! Mwah! What was that? No he said "to blave". And as we all know blave means to bluff. Bluff fluff fluffnutter peanut butterfly. Autumn was her name. And still continues to be. Annie Autumn. Sounds like a ________ name, but they all do really. That movie is my favorite movie.
Starbucks fun!! We got the nummiest lemon blueberry crumbly cake with coffee on the top, and a yummy cake batter frappaccino. It's only the secret starbucks menu that Ann showed me because she wrote about her job :P. The barista also knew how to make key lime and an apple pie
frappaccino. This opens up a whole new realm of ingredient mixing and getting the people who work there excited to make us weird things. "OH i know this! Thanks for asking me to make it!!" Cake batter = vanilla bean and almond. Except there was no almond. Only hazelnut. Almond is a west coast thing. Two shots of espresso on the side, to be experienced in all its bitterness, but it doesn't necessarily mean that its BASIC, because we looked it up, and bitterness applies to all sorts of poisons and nitrogen atoms.
"Who's being real with me?"
"Oh you keep writing your blog"
Ann made a cupcake venn diagram. She saw "pastry venn diagram" in her journal notes, and did'nt know what it meant, but she had to do the idea, so outcame a venn diagram of two cupcakes. One day she'll tattoo it on her foot. Or sew it on her sock. Her foot sock. "No sock is a foot hat silly." On the way to Starbucks we saw a trash barrel with a top hat, who saved the day by being salient to me.
Ann officially won hack day by making the greatest alliterative advice animal in the whole universe. Corcerned Coke Hawk.
ROFLMFAO.
I laughed about it the whole night. I laughed myself to sleep about it. For the expense of awesome.
Dreams. I had two dreams. I remember all my dream now, that's how it used to be. Ann had a dream about me woah! "Woah oh woah woah oh. And I was like baby, baby, baby oooh!!! [sorry]" It's okay we both have Bieber Fever. Bieber Fieber. Dancin with our Bieber Femurs. We have tumors on our funny bones because we're feministis. Dreams. Okay who goes first.
I had a dream, and this is no exaggeration, I had a dream that cuddling was a form of puzzle sport. And I was known in the kingdom for being quite good at it. One day, I was conscripted to go off to war. Now, something about cuddle puzzles had to do with being good at fighting wars. That part I'm not clear about, but you can certainly imagine how that fit together. I defeated the enemy of the kingdom, and when I returned to my woman, I was a Grandmaster Warrior of Cuddle. My cuddle skills had sharpened so sharp that I merely never laid more than a single breathe before knowing exactly how to solve any cuddle. Autumn was immensely impressed with my chivalry and cuddle ability. "Did you have armor?" Yes my armor had the visual synesthetic representation of the puzzle on it. It was a lot like those picture puzzles where you move one tile at a time within a square perimeter. I like going to bed after watching chivalrous movies about true love because I have the best dreams.
Okay your turn. Autumn dreamt she was trying to get me to go on an adventure. But I was kind of hesitant. I showed you a lot of awesome things around Medford. But then in the end she got me to agree to go on an even awesomer adventure. That was the dream. What a lovely story our lives are. OH and I showed her a magic trick was she thinks was inspired by the holocaust cape in The Princess Bride. It involved the floor moving and a circular motion and things caught on fire around a circular perimeter and she had to lean away. There were a bunch of people, and Ann was trying to find me, and she started running to a Gazebo because she thought she saw me under it. But when she gave me a hug I turned into the Joker from Batman. She was like "ahhhh!!!" but then she finally found me and all was well. !!!! "My shirt kept coming off." !!!!!!!!!!!!! o_o;;;; !! "I think had to take my shirt off for the magic trick. I was topless for half the dream" Now we're talking. That's what I call a dream allegory. ;)
What was my other dream? I don't remember. But one out of two is good. OH I know. My other dream was real life, the most perfect manifestation of my lucid dreaming training. I've been trying to create the perfect happy moment. And here it is.
"you're a smart ass."
"I was originally you know, before I tamed it, so people would like me better."
"You're talking about it like you're going to untame it."
"The way you're talking about it suggests you want me to."
":)"
"I know while being pleasant is friendly, some people just love smart asses more, so in order to maximize friendliness I've got to adopt cleverly-timed smartassedry." [FutureCJ: Good suffix choice]
Chaos 72; Relief of delusion
Ann is beautiful and hacked my mind. She zen'd me like no one has ever. She showed me where I have been having thought delusions, creating white noise in my head, preventing me from being the full manifestation of myself. "...There's no reason to be mad at yourself. You take the lessons of the past and you keep going. The emotions of the past needn't linger. You are holding on to the pain and that continues to make it hurt for both of us. It doesn't make sense to get so hung up in it that your mind cannot be fully here in the present. What you are really frustrated at is the fact you continue to be so frustrated. You are frustrated that you are inhibiting yourself from being yourself. So just let go. You're forgiven. I've let go. I need you to let go too. This can happen right now, so why wait. I need you to be totally here. I need you to be my boyfriend.."
"If I were myself right now, I would grab that voice recorder and ask you to tell me to 'please be okay' and then turn it into the music which have become of my feelings."
I will listen to your words whenever I need to, and they will heal me like a zen spell.
From that moment on I felt so incredibly myself. All the faculties of my mind at my disposal for fun, creativity, games, and domination :)
Discord 6; Sick
I'm super sick. That means I'm inside writing about philosophy and thinking about things to hack.
Existentialism has been back on my mind. It's been my passion for the last third of my life. Now I'm taking a reflection on it, and what it did to me. Also how other people think of it in philosophy and literature. I want to make sure I have the language straight on it. I listened to a few professors lecture, but most of it was full of too much "whether X writer could really be called an existentialist or not". Boring. I just deconstructed it myself instead. Built it from the ground up, from the initial forces and questions, and where they lead at each step.
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Two ideas have struck my mind recently. Both involve paraconsistent logic. The first is about metaparadoxes and Godel. The second is about absurdism and the principle of explosion.
1) I discovered a metaparadox a while back which is both a paradox and not a paradox. "This sentence is false and this sentence is not a paradox." I was wondering what would the implications of this be in terms of Godel. "This proof is unprovable and this proof is not an example of Godel's paradox"
First there would have to be some kind of metamathematical predicate that can determine if something is an example of Godel's paradox.
It would be something that's both an example of Godel's paradox, and not Godel's paradox. O_O
2) The second thing is how existentialism and absurdism connect to the Principle of Explosion.
That's when any statement follows (can be proven) from a contradiction.
The existentialist thinker, in one's search for authority and meaning, deconstructs the world and find its inherent contradictions (The absurd). And from the absurd, anything follows.
I'm going to die. So what's the point of life? There could be no point. It is quite contradictory for me to live pointlessly. I could decend into nothingness. Or I could have the courage to invent my own point and live by it. What point should I live by? Could be anything. It's an explosion.
Objective meaning is a contradiction, and it is absurd to seek it out. Therefore, any meaning you conjure up follows. You can explode.
It is absurd to look for an ultimate authority. The best authority is one which does not deceive. The first step in existentialism is realizing yourself as ultimate authority. But even you have self-deceptions. You examine yourself and erradicate all self-deception (to become Authentic). You do this using reason. That sets reason as your authority. But even reason cannot reason that reason is totally reasonable (Godel). The search for an ultimate authority is absurd. Therefore anything can act as your authority, as you authorize it. Principle of explosion again.
The great question then becomes "How do I explode?"
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I love seeing where patterns repeat themselves. I've turned it into a game. I think of some complex pattern like 'language' and I try to see where it is replicated in nature. DNA is a good answer. Then I think of 'literature' and I try and see if DNA has the equivalent of 'literature'. Some perfectly crafted story embedded in the language of nucleotides. Butterflies! Totally a comedy which follows the development of the main character.
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One way to think of things: 'Purpose', 'point', and 'meaning' are only patterns which intelligent beings with an adequately developed cortex can perceive. (Perhaps it requires at least the ability to simulate a world model, and the ability to make predictions from it.) There were no such things (in the universe) as 'purpose' and 'meaning' before these beings existed. Human beings, as the most universe-aware intelligence (as far as we can tell), is the universe's tool for inventing purpose and meaning. The human being is the authority on meaning. YOU are the authority. So create the meaning. Be the objective meaning in the world.
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In a mad science blunder, probably the fault of cheap Chinese electronics, my hard disk failed. No data recovery software could save anything from it. Lost quite a bit of projects I was working on, and lost any possible cj-productivity this week off of work. *thinks back to Cyberpunk Revue* "Remember, always back up your files". All that means is I can detach from the vice grip of past projects, and have my mind open to new projects. And friends to hang out with.
Discord 7; I am the Lorax. I speak for the mustaysche :{
Lorax date to Harvard square with my lovely!
Loaded up on Japanese goodiesnacks. I got this stick of Japanese candy with absolutely no markings on it which might have revealed its contents. Turns out it was Halls. We were late for the bus, but got there just in time. We scampered about the square, and a nice pedestrian pointed us in the right direction. $13 for a movie? Psh.
We got there, and the previews were rambling. Ann had an impulse. And I followed her on it. And there we were, skipping across the street to Harvard campus, trying to find a secluded area. LMAO. There were no such areas in sight, and the place we chose only added to the extremeness. "We'll be turbo". And turbo we were ;]. There we were again, skipping back off to the movies, free. "su** my **nt harvard!!" LMFAO.
The best part of the Lorax was the hyperrealistic detail of all the hair. The truffula trees. The follices of the Lorax's mustache. o_o woah. 3D animation gets better and better.
But even better than that was how the boy's adventure was entirely inspired by his infatuation.
We skidaddled on over to Starbucks looking for secret frappuccinos. We asked the clerk and she said she didn't know about any secret menu, but that we could tell her to make anything with any ingredients. Psh. We left, and checked out the other Starbucks. I asked the clerk "We heard online there's a secret menu of frappuccinos. Is that true?". She knew of these secrets, but did not know how to make them. However she revealed that another co-worker, Phil, was a master baristo. I paused for a moment, dared by the awkwardness of the question, and proceeded to ask anyway. "When does Phil work?" "uhh." "It's okay you don't have to answer that question."
Disappointed, we didn't buy anything. But of course we realized there's three Starbucks in Harvard square, within blocks of each other, and went to pester the third. We had much better luck. Not only did they know of these secrets, they were absolutely ecstatic we asked. One baristo even claimed he invented the Captain Crunch 10 years ago.
When does Phil work? LMAO.
Discord 8; Finding myself, a spiritual memoir.
Discord 11;
Discord 13
Mensiversary Ann's house!
Ann opened me up to the psychopathic world of Dexter, and with it an invitation to a whole world of inside jokes (donuts of emptiness lmao). Also, she gave me an in depth analysis of psychopathy, the requirements for diagnosis, and how it differs from antisocial personality disorder (<3 her journal). For example, someone is not typically diagnosed with a psychological disorder unless 1) it interferes with their life (or with the life of others; as in the case of antisocial personality disorder, since many are fine with the way they are), 2) they've had symptoms for at least ~6 months [many people experience symptoms in transience, but it isn't a disorder unless it really is main part of you], and 3) it isn't the result of taking drugs. But that raised a question -- does someone have to be clean for 6 months in order to be diagnosed?
Ann prepared for us one of her favorite dishes, which we herefromnow call SKEGGS. Eggs in spaghetti. Yummy :)
She helped me put back together my kandi necklace of Bohemian ideals. MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO WEAR IT, and that she helped me put it back together!! All the colors represent the colors of the various sauces. (lmao, @ new year's when we were telling everybody). Hm. Truth is the lightest color of them all, (which falls in line with the meanings behind stone colors! as Ann was also teaching me ^^)
We slumbied and slept to Opeth's Blackwater Park. SO AWESOME. That's what I was doing every night in the 10th grade. That I could share that with Ann? Beautiful!! "I like falling asleep to Metal." "O_O really?" <3 <3 +pound pound+
Discord 14
A wonderful imaginefest convo occurred between Ann and I! It made me extremely happy, and I LMFAOed sooooooo many times O__o. Ann is hilarious o____o
Here is a sample from the beginning. [our identities have been de-distinguished]
to-do 
We were greeted with a game of Socks. Max said her sister invented and published the game. Wtf is up with the logo LMAO. I got the hang of Socks pretty quickly, and ended up tying Max with 21 cards. 